Secrets and Lies

I know something I’m not supposed to know. And my world has shattered. It’s not about me or my husband but some close friends, and I’m worried on a variety of levels. 

Such secrets and lies hurt people. Not owning up and telling truth causes more deciet than anything else.

It is making me question every interaction, every conversation, and determine if it was sincere. 

I already am struggling on this level to an extent on people being sincere and honest, and now a major bomb was dropped into my reality. A bomb that is undeniably bad, but something that can be overcome with time. 

But do I want to take the time and overcome this and the hurt feelings? Do I wash my hands of it and count my loses? My husband who told me this afternoon has been supportive, has been understanding, has been my fucking rock because he understands how bad I would take the news. He knew not to wake me up last night and tell me. He knew not to tell me before I went into work because I have stuff to do. 

He was kind and waited until I could talk it out with him and address my feelings. He held me while I cried at the news and gave me space to process. 

Communication. We’ve built up this from our own secrets and lies. He knows me and I know him. 

Communication people. Be honest. Be truthful. Communicate. 

Atlas No More

I am Atlas. I carry the weight of my friends and family on my back. I tend to their needs instead of my own. I make sure that everyone is happy. 

I cannot be Atlas anymore. Clearly, I want to help my closest friends and loved ones. But at some point I have to let that go. Otherwise my own happiness and needs get pushed to the side. 

I want to be Athena, minus the whole virgin thing. 

I’ve gotten clarity from my situation I blogged about before. I was right there was a shift in behaviors with me from my friend, but it was for my own good. They did not want to add to my already stressed life. There were good intentions, although poorly communicated, which has now been fixed. 

I feel better. I cannot continue to allow the anxiety to rule my life. It makes me feel like Atlas except I’m carrying the universe instead of the Earth. 

Starting today. I. Am. Athena.