Finding My Voice

It’s been a long time since I blogged.  I would like to say that things have been going well.  However, that is far from the case.  In mid July drama went down at my work place.  I’ve always enjoyed the people that I work with but the upper portion of my network was starting to play games.  By that I mean they were starting to do things that I didn’t 100% agree with.  I had already planned for this school year to be my last year with them.  I was ready to move on to something much bigger.  Needless to say, I ended up resigning my position at the beginning of August without another job lined up.  It was the toughest decision that I’ve ever made, however, it was also the best thing that I could have done.

The work that I was doing was not appreciated.  I was being taken advantage of.  I was doing the work load of 5 people, and not getting any additional money.  Which, to be honest, is fine by me, because I’d rather do the work and take the burden off the teachers.  It became quickly apparent to the upper management at my now ex-network to realize the extent of the work I was doing, because they wanted me to continue to write lessons for them for three grade levels until they could hire my replacement.  I told them no.  I shouldn’t have to resign for my worth to be seen.

I’ve enjoyed having this time to myself.  I haven’t had to do anything.  Ironically, my class for my EdS the same weekend of my last day of work, so I haven’t had anything to do for the last two weeks.  My next class starts this coming Monday and I’m looking forward to it.  It’s my final class before my capstone project and then I’m finished!  I have several jobs that are full time in the works.  One of which starts Oct. 1st if I am able to secure it.  I’m really excited about that one, and it looks the most promising.  In the mean time I’m going to be tutoring kiddos after school that need additional support and delivering for UberEats.

I’d like to wish that was in the end of the turmoil in my house these past 5 weeks, however that’s not the case.  My husband was headed to a convention for his writing last week and was involved in a car accident with a semi 5 hours away from home.  This could have gone a lot worse than it did.  He came away unharmed, but my car was not so lucky.  The semi-truck company took full responsibility for the wreck, but now I have no car, and no job.  The accident shed some new light on certain aspects of our lives.  I’m beyond thankful that my husband is alive, and this is 100%  a new chapter starting for us as a family.  The last year and a half were been the closest we’ve ever been and now with this, it’s forcing us to look at everything and determine what is the most important.

On Monday, my husband’s computer crashed.  This was the point where I reached my limit and realized that I’m done with all the negative shit happening in my life.  My husband did not have any of his files backed up, and he is working on a major project.  I was beyond pissed that he didn’t have any backups, and felt it was very reckless of him.  Then I realized that it’s his own fault and he had to learn this lesson the hard way.  Thankfully, the computer technician was able to recover the files and repair the computer but not before costing me close to $200.00.   Monday was the first time my husband had been on the computer since the wreck, so we are certain it was damaged in it.  I’m not a person who is out for money, but the truck’s insurance company is going to have to pay for a new one in addition to the car issues.

In all of this trial and turmoil I have found my voice again, and have started putting my foot down. I flat out told Clint that he had to get out of his depression spiral and figure out what to do because I didn’t have the ability to do that for him.  I left him alone after the tough love and within 20 minutes he came out and began working on our son’s computer, in the cloud, and figuring out where he should begin his manuscript again. I also have been more assertive with some friends that constantly complain about their issues as well.  I get that everyone has their problems, but if you only see things in the negative light, then your life will be negative.

I told my therapist yesterday that everyone else can go F*** themselves.  Because I’ve realized what matters is my happiness, my husband and my child.  Now does that mean I’m going to become isolated and cut off from my friends?  No.  It means that I’m going to pay more attention to my family instead of outside things.  Far too long I’ve let outside forces rule my life, and that will be no more.   I’ll still be there for my friends, but my family comes first.

I’ve found that this quote has been my guiding force through all of this.

36707-Hardships

We are 100% in a hardship, but when we come out of it, things are going to be so much better for us!   I’m going to do a better job of blogging as well.  There’s really no excuse for me not to.  Lord knows I have all the time in the world right now.

 

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