The Pit in the Stomach

I haven’t felt worry or any anxiety for WEEKS now.  I’ve been feeling really good.  I’ve been focusing on work, and my family.  It’s been great.  The guilt hasn’t been there.  It’s been gone.

Until now.

Back in April, I wrote a post about a situation. I’ve long since moved pass it.  I finally came to grip with it.

Well, the wife of the couple sent me this message, after I asked if she was okay, because she told my husband she was having a bad state of depression.

Screen Shot 2017-05-29 at 5.50.39 PM

This leads me to believe that it has something to do with that situation, because this is what happened last time.

The pit came back, the fear that I’ve done something, but don’t know what it would be.  I’m so over this shit. The drama, the lying, the silence.

I don’t swing for the drama.  I swing for the fun.   As much as I have enjoyed being with the couple, the amount of drama they have brought into our life is insane.

I have a local guy… no drama there, just good ol’ fashioned booty calls.

I have a somewhat local girl… no drama there.

Why?  Because those two people are honest. My husband and I are honest.  We communicate honestly.

The communication between the husband and I has been slowing over the last few weeks.  And I can honestly say that I’m okay with losing him as a friend if he doesn’t want to be honest with me anymore.

So why does the pit in my stomach come, when I know that I didn’t do anything wrong? Because that’s what anxiety does. It takes over when it doesn’t have any business doing so.

I have the house to myself tonight.  My husband and son went camping.  I refuse to not let this ruin my evening.  I’m going to enjoy the peace and quiet, I’m going to force that feeling to go away, because I DID NOT DO ANYTHING WRONG.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s