In therapy today we talked about my overwhelming and constant guilt.  She’s charged me with figuring out what I get out of the guilt.  

It’s hard for me to wrap my head around that concept. That’s there is something gratifying about feeling constant guilt. 

Sunday the guilt was bad. Sunday was just a bad day in general, but the guilt is constant. While sitting on the back porch I had a text conversation with my best friend.  He knows my brain and how it works. This is part of our conversation. 

He helped me to see that my brain has been wired and filled with anxiety, guilt, and frustration for my whole life.  I’ve been on meds for just a little over three months. There’s no instant cure for this, but I can get better. 

But, like my therapist told me today, I can’t get better until I know what I get from feeing guilty. So I have two weeks to figure it out before she gets back from vacation to figure this out. 

Here’s to finding out. 

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