The universe runs on chaos. Everything around us is constantly in shambles for whatever reason. 

I have a tattoo that is the Apple of Discord.  

According to the myth Eris was not invited to a wedding between Thetis and Peleus. Infuriated by this, she tossed a solid gold apple into the wedding. It had inscribed on it “TO THE FAIREST”. All of the gods recoiled and most goddesses, but Athena, Aphrodite, and Hera fought over the title. They asked Zeus who it belonged to, and he responded to ask Paris, a mortal prince. They showed him the Apple, and asked the question, bribing him with gifts. He chose Aphrodite, and would cause war between the gods and mortals.

This single act introduced chaos into the world. Since then, again according to the myth, the world around us has functioned on chaos. 

My world is ruled by chaos, in a way. My anxiety causes me to play the what if game and determine what worse case scenarios could happen throughout my day.  I’ve always had a hard time relaxing and enjoying myself because my brain just took control and made me look for all the possible negative outcomes.  

However, in the months since starting my meds, I have a new positive outlook. I still see the chaos around me, but it doesn’t rule my life anymore. I can relax and enjoy my evenings without feeling guilty for all the work I should be doing.  

Even as I sit here typing this on my phone, I should be working to stay on top of my massive workload, but instead I’m laying on the couch catching up on weeks worth of my favorite shows with my favorite outdoor cat asleep on my lap. 

Chaos may rule my world, but right now, I rule the chaos. 

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